I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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