I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
