Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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