I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
