Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
