You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're not piercing ourselves today.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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