i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
