how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
