Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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