No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
