Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You may now shotgun with the bride
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
They are going to name an STD after you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
