dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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