he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
