You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
