i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
