What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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