I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
