i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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