It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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