His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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