okay pat passed out under dana's car
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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