I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
