Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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