My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
