If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You've changed since you got that strap on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
