I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize