Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
