We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
