Pants 0. Shit 1.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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