Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i permit you to call me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
