Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
