I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
