my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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