I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
