i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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