Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
