i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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