He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
