So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize