I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
