so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
