just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
