break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
