I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
