it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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