Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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