Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize