Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
