how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
