Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
