So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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