You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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