Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
