My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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