Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Less talking, more tequila
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize