Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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