so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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