i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
