I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
