At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
